Friday Five – The Heather Report

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Yes, its Friday again. Thank GOD. Long ass week. And, again, I have had NO time to think about writing a real post, but I’m going to attempt to keep up my commitment to this Friday thing. So, without further ado, here are some things that either happened to me this week or are swimming through my warped little brain at the moment.

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1) My obsession with Trailer Park Boys continues, and I don’t know if this is something to share with people, but wow, it has made me miss drinking liquor! I don’t care what you say, drinking liquor is excellent fun. I hearken back to ye days of my 20’s when my drink of choice was Captain & diet. Although I don’t drink nearly as much as my good friends at the Sunnyvale Trailer park (because, you know, I have a job and all) I will certainly be working the captain back into the rotation. I’ve been a wine girl for awhile, because that’s what you’re supposed to drink in your 30’s, but nothing beats a good mixed drink.
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2) I’ve been working on the idea of creating a capsule wardrobe. This involves paring your clothing down to classics, items that flatter, and items that you love. If you’re anything like me, you have about 5000 items that you never look twice at (and you keep purchasing for some unknown reason) and you always seem to reach for the same few pieces. I’m going to be doing some hardcore down and dirty closet purging this weekend, along with some eBay listing. When I’m done, I’ll assess what classic items I’ll need to add to my collection, etc. I’m sure I’ll do a full blog post on this in the near future.

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3) THE WALKING DEAD IS COMING BACK THIS WEEKEND PEOPLE!!! Tom and I prepared for this by re-watching the entire series over the summer. How would I face off with those cannibal Terminus bastards? Well, I’d wear these black skinny jeans from Loft and carry around my trusty fireplace poker. I’ve often thought about what I would wear AND what I would wield if I were thrust into the Zombie Apocalypse. Here is my decision. Stretchy skinnies, good boots, a fire place poker and a pistol with a high cap mag. Here is would I would not want any part of during the apocalypse: thongs, bras, daggers, baseball bats and revolvers. HOW does Rick still use a revolver? It blows my mind. PS – here’s hoping Beth and Carl are eaten in episode 1.

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4) Stitch Fix. Well, I received my fourteenth Stitch Fix yesterday. I wrote them a massive complaint letter last month because the whole purpose of this service is that it’s supposed to be a “personal stylist” and I just think they’re getting way too big for their britches. I no longer think they spend much time looking at what a person really wants, and I don’t even think they glance at a Pinterest board anymore. But, they refunded me my styling fee and credited me an add’l $20 styling fee for another fix, so it was no harm no foul to try it one more time. Pretty disappointing. I specifically told them that I basically only wear SLEEVELESS tops, because I’m always hot, but they ignored this; they also ignored my request for “cardigans with buttons only” and sent this drapey item. Its ok, but not SIXTY EIGHT DOLLARS OK!!! Ugh. The black jeans are nice – they make my bubble butt look especially bubbly, but I’m yet to decide if they’re keepers. Regardless, I’m taking a long break from Stitch Fix. Possibly forever. IF you want to see what I received this time, and some other items I’ve gotten from Stitch Fix over the last year or so, check out my Pinterest board dedicated to SF items:

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5) This coming Saturday, October 11th, Tom and I will be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary! We’re simple folken, and I’m sure we’ll be celebrating by eating, drinking, and, you guessed it, watching Trailer Park Boys. Here’s to 50 more years, Poosker!

Have a good weekend…

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Friday Five

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I am finding it wildly difficult to conjure up witty and interesting blog posts AND work AND teach AND do other stuff in my life. I do want to keep the blog alive and afloat, so I’ve decided that at the very least I can copycat the “Five on Friday” weekly recap that I’ve seen other bloggers partake in.

To be honest, I’m not sure what one does in a Five on Friday post. What I am going to do, henceforth, is recap five things, events, items, bagels, whatever, that were important or momentous to me during the last week. Trust me, they will, in general, be trivial and stupid. You know how I do.

1) Well, first up, I gave up shopping for a month. Its officially No Shopping October. Its day three, and I’m already pretty sad, but I’m confident that I will pass this test. I read an article about a gal who gave up shopping for a year. I can’t really even wrap my head around this concept, but her end game was that she would not only save money, but actually enjoy and wear the clothes she already owned. Who among us doesn’t have a stockpile of items that we never really look at? So, I’ve decided to make the most of No-Shopping October and not duplicate an outfit for the whole month. I kicked it off with some mirror selfies on Monday. Love my Loft sweater, Mod Cloth Necklace, and vegan boots from Marshalls. FullSizeRender IMG_3310

 

2) In light of my boots, above, I’ve decided to eschew all leather products from now on. I drive past a pasture raised meat farm whenever I go to the IGA upstate, and I always look at the cows and feel sad. Now, while I haven’t eaten a cow in 24 years (gave it up when I was in 5th grade!) I decided it was pretty hypocritical to wear them. So, I’ve sold my 4-year-old Uggs and I’ve donated (half of) the proceeds to Blind Cat Sanctuary. Here’s a sensational pair of vegan boots that I purchased (not this month!) to kick off my leather-free existence.

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3) I’m now a month or so into the Fall semester, and I’m stupidly excited about how (most of) my students are enjoying The Gunslinger, which in case you’re not aware, is book 1 of the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I’ve even had more than five of my students ask me the name of the next book in the series. I promise you that there are no words that an English professor loves to hear more than, “I’m actually enjoying this book!” You should all read it, too.

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4) Call me jaded or call me a cynic, but there is a shortage of funny stuff on regular TV nowadays. I can’t stomach most of the mainstream shows that we’re “supposed” to laugh at. So, imagine my delight when Tom and I stumbled upon (via Sonny via Mike) what might be, in my opinion, the funniest show since Seinfeld. Oh my God. Tom and I have binge watched this on Netflix all week, and we’re already up to season five. You MUST MUST MUST check out Trailer Park Boys. Who knew Canadians could be funny?

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5) Last but not least, Tom and I are headed upstate tonight. I’ve been pretty hardcore on the weight watchers all week, so I shall be treating myself to some wine by the fire pit tonight. Cheap as it may be, sorry friends, but nothing beats a bottle of Barefoot Pinot OR Sav. Blanc. You can keep your Santa Margarita (well, no, give me that too, please) – because I can buy THREE bottles of Barefoot for the price of one SM! Please stay tuned for some misspelled and unintelligible Facebook status messages.

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Have a great weekend!

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Why I Wear Skinny Jeans Even Though I’m Not Skinny

Nope, this isn’t a woe-is-me post about my body. No, I won’t be going on a tirade about how what’s on the “outside” doesn’t matter and its all about the person on the inside and pretty rainbows and trees and hippies and roses.  And I’m certainly NOT fishing for compliments (oh, Heather, you ARE so skinny!)

It’s not about any of that.

It’s about my journey to skinny jeans and how I’ve made peace with my body at age 36. It has been a long and bumpy road. Journey with me.

I grew up a chunky little kid. I was never a problem eater. I LOVED food. Look at my chunky little ham hocks here:

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Yes, I was adorable, I know. But I was always the biggest (tallest AND fattest) kid in the class, up through and including sixth grade. And kids, as you may have heard, are mean. And that kinda stayed with me through all of these years. I may have lost a few and gained a few through the years, but even when I got down to a size 4 in my 20’s, I was still the fattest girl in Mrs. McGrath’s 2nd grade class, weighing in at an impressive 94 pounds – 9 pounds more than the next “fattest” kid in the class, who had the last name “House” mind you. That’s right. I was fatter than a house. How do I know these details? Because despite 8-year-old Heather asking nicely to keep her weight quiet, Mrs. Briscoe, the nurse, still insisted on announcing everyone’s weight aloud as she wrote them down. A little sick that this is a memory that is imprinted on my mind for all of these years.

Another fond elementary school memory: 5th grade. Riding the bus home from school. “Steve” decides to tell me, unprompted, that “If I were a mermaid, I’d be a manatee.” Yup, that one sorta stayed with me too.

So, I’ve had some fat baggage that I’ve been lugging around since, oh, age 5 probably. And my recent experience with a certain pair of skinny jeans has caused me to do a little introspection.

Do you like Pinterest? Of course  you do. Well, I do too. I’m practically a professional. (follow me!)

Anyhow, I got it stuck in my head that I must own a pair of cream-colored skinny jeans for the fall. I MUST. Life will not be complete, Heather, unless you seek out and find these pants.

I’m more of a wide leg, dark-colored pants gal normally. But, all of these pretty photos of ladies on Pinterest wearing cream-colored pants and boots frolicking through autumn fields… picking apples… just hanging around without cellulite. I wanted to be in that club in the worst way.

I took a trip to (where else?) my faithful local Marshall’s. Now, if you’re a Marshall’s regular, like myself, you know very well that you can’t say to yourself, “hey, I’d like to go and purchase a pair of black peep toe heels” and expect to find them at Marshall’s. Its more of a “go with an open mind – you never know what you might uncover” sort of store. But, the skinny pants gods smiled upon me that day, and lo and behold, there they were – cream-colored skinnies. In my size.

I tried them on, and although they fit like a glove, I was skeptical. I am bottom heavy. I am so pear that I’m almost eggplant. I’m what my husband might refer to as “assy” – but in a good way. And I was besot with thoughts like “these make my thighs look massive” and “oh can you see my cellulite??” But, I bought them, because at Marshall’s you gotta get it when you see it, because it will be gone the next time you come back.

I took them home. I tried them on with about 78 things that I already owned. Boots. Flats. Tunics. Sweaters. I was unsure. I thought they looked decent, but I was unsure. I polled the masses. My  mom loved them. My friends were split.

And I caved. I returned them. I felt so defeated. By my own insecurities, by society, by the elementary school nurse, by stupid “Steve.”

I had trouble sleeping that night – no exaggeration – because I was so pissed off that I didn’t trust myself and how I felt in these pants enough to flout whatever nay-sayers might think when they saw a non-size 2 girl in light-colored skinnies.

Well, reader, I re-bought them.

I wasted my entire lunch break driving all the way back to West Babylon, but, by the grace of God, the pants were still there waiting for me. (Remind me never to return items in BABYLON again when I could easily have taken them right to the East Islip Marshall’s.)

And so, this is what I think. You don’t have to be skinny to wear skinny pants. Or a sleeveless shirt. Or a strapless dress. Or whatever that one item is that you consider to be off-limits. Despite what that little person inside might be telling you (in my case, elementary school chunky Heather) YOU look good. Do you feel good? Then you’re fine.

Just make sure the item fits and flatters. If these jeans gave me a muffin top it wouldn’t indicate confidence – it would just tell people that I was in denial about gaining a few pounds or suggest that I don’t own a full length mirror. Dress for the size you are today.

I never wear my swimsuit in front of people EVER unless I’m in a foreign country. Its true. Recently, I had an hour to kill while my husband was at the gym at a resort (in New Jersey – not a foreign land) at which we were staying, and so I sat by the pool for an hour. In my bathing suit. And you know what? The world didn’t end. My guess is that no one even gave me a second glance. But in a good way.

I don’t expect this to “inspire” people and I don’t expect applause. I just hope that, ladies, you extend your body the same courtesy that it extends unto you. I’ve had an almost abusive relationship with my body for years, treating my “flaws”  like an abusive husband might treat his battered wife. And I don’t think I’m alone on this. You’re ugly, you’re fat, you don’t deserve to wear this. And you know what? Our bodies don’t fight back. They just faithfully keep us healthy, carry us where we want to go, bear our children. Hell, mine climbed a mountain for me, dammit! Granted I did fall down and vomit when I was done, but still. I asked my body to climb 4 miles uphill and it didn’t answer me back. It just climbed.

Its time we start showing our bodies some respect.

Here are the pants. I’ll wear them proudly this fall and pick some apples or something.  Maybe carve a pumpkin.

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A New Home for Kitty (and a new name!)

Hello, friends! Welcome to my new space! As you can see, I’ve migrated to a new server here on WordPress. Blogger was a great place to get started, but there are just so many more options and opportunities to grow on WordPress, so I made the leap!

I’ve also changed the name a bit, as you can see. Although I will still be talking about fashion (of course) I’d also like to branch out and talk about another passion of mine – literature.

Hence, the LIT kitty. Get it?

I also hope to talk about some other topics (cooking? decorating? hamsters?) and possibly even launch a serial fiction branch of the blog in the near future.

I’ve imported all of my old blogs from blogger, but as you can see the spacing is a little less than perfect. My apologies. There were just too many entries for me to go back and edit them all. My OCD brain wants to, but I just don’t have time.

Thanks for reading, and please check back soon 🙂

* Heather *

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The Purse in Black Fled Across the Desert and Heather Followed

If you get that reference, then good for you for being a fan of The Dark Tower. If not, well, lets talk about purses anyway. But you should probably still read The Dark Tower series. Its like a really dark Harry Potter series for adults. 
Shhh. Listen. Do you hear that? The end of July is a whisper away and I can actually hear summer finally coming to an end. No more sweat. No more frizzy hair. Oh, stop it. No one can tell me they REALLY enjoy 98 degrees and 98% humidity. You don’t. You yearn for fall. You just do. Comfortable sleeping weather… great hair days… scarves… jackets… 
I’ve mentioned in the past that I was definitely the girl decked out in boots and a sweater on the first day of school. These days, I’m more realistic. Now, I’m not going to lie to you and pretend that I haven’t already made a boot purchase this month ($24.99 at Marshalls, say thank’ya) but I know that it will probably stay pretty darned warm through mid-October, and, yet, I must have some fall. I need fall. I want fall. I hunger for a little bit o’fall. And that brings us to today’s topic…
Purses. Pocketbooks. Whatever you call them, God love ’em, they are that little piece of Autumn (I had to vary my syntax a bit, for artistic purposes) that you can wear today. Or tomorrow. OR August 17th. Will people look at you sideways if you show up to work on September 2nd in knee high boots, tights and a scarf? Yes. At least I will. Will you be a social outcast if you don a cute burgundy tote with your cream colored cami, a khaki skirt and a little navy blue short sleeved cardigan whilst the temps still top 90? Of course not. YOU WEAR THAT PURSE. You go and wear the shit out of that little fall purse. 
And so, here are some of my picks for super awesome excellent lovely fall bags. 
A black leather tote is a cold weather staple, in my opinion. I enjoy this one, from Coach, because it reminds me a little bit of something that I might wear in the 80’s to a roller rink. Also, I feel like if my car breaks down those little metal bolts might be somehow useful. 
I know that many of you are “soooooo over” the Coach Signature C’s. They will, however, always hold a special place in my heart. I look fondly back at the purchase of my first Coach bag (old Bayshore Macys!) probably when I was still in college, and I recall how toting around those little khaki C’s made me feel so important and grown up. I had arrived at adulthood!  This little cross body reminds me of that age of innocence. Plus that little red hang tag is pretty adorable. Coach Factory.

This Kate Spade bag in a pinkish maroon color can be your go-to fall bag. Its structured and classic, but the color is interesting and bright enough to pair with both black and brown based outfits.

This is a bag from Lauren Merkin – its called “Florence” in caramel. Great, now I want caramel. And I want to go to Florence. Damn you, Merkin.

Lauren Merkin Mini Cece. Because this salmon pop of color will look adorable with all of your fall colors – Brown tweed skirt? Camel cords? Dark jeans and a olive green chunky sweater? Merkin knows what goes with this. Merkin is like a purse psychic. Damn, Merkin, you crazy.

Michael Kors Camo Cross body. No, I’m not crazy. Yes, I’ve seen Lofts weird collection of camo items for the fall. I think this little tiny cross over bag is just the right amount of camo. I’d probably throw this over dark skinnies, brown chunky boots and a white super baggy T with a big funky necklace and scarf in the early fall.

Sometimes you’re poor, like me, and you can’t afford to spend a car payment sized amount of cash on a bag. Or maybe you need a big tote for your work supplies and you just can’t see filling an expensive bag with papers and pens and other crap. This Old Navy Tote is a nice black and white graphic print for fall, and it costs like 5 cents. I’d wear this with my knee length red wool coat and do some serious holiday shopping come November. I’d also pack a snack. Probably fritos.

This bag from Mod Cloth is called “Photography on the Promenade.” Well, I want to be on a promenade. I want to take photographs. Logic dictates, then, that I must also own this purse.

This big slouchy brown tote is from Sole Society – its called Allessandra. I have nothing exciting to add to this.

This Tory Burch Lily saddle bag is near to my heart because it reminds me of a little saddle bag that I used to have in junior high. If it wasn’t $24,899 I’d absolutely purchase it.

This classic shape from Tory Burch in grass green is a great late summer to fall transition piece. It also reminds me a little of Grace Kelly. I bet Jackie O would have loved this purse, and I bet that Kate Middleton owns it. Those three ladies know a little something about class and style.

And finally, if you’re hungry, you can eat purses, like this random internet cat. 

Calling all flakey oily peely powdery fine lined ghosts!

Now, I watch my fair share of HGTV, so I fancy myself an expert in all things construction. As we know, you can’t build a house without a foundation. I think if you try to do this, the wood that you built the walls with gets wet, becomes soil, and ground hogs come and live in it, like a smurf house. True story. 
The same thing will happen to you if you don’t use proper foundation on your face. Well, a similar thing at least. I’m pretty sure that woodland creatures won’t live in your ear holes,  but as with a house, a good foundation sets the stage for a good face, I guess. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but you get it. I hope. Its the crucial first layer when applying your makeup. 
Once upon a time I didn’t have to even think about foundation.
Lets take a walk down memory lane… East Islip, 1999. Twenty-one year old Heather can go anywhere with nary a trace of makeup on her face. School. Work. Lily’s on a Thursday for ladies night. Redness? Fine lines? Dark spots? Wrinkles? Brow furrows? Nope. Nothing. Nada. 
Look at me in my Forever 21 shirt drinking a Captain and Diet, not worry a damn about forehead creases. Oh, those were the days.
Then I turned thirty and all sorts of things started to go wrong. Years of furrowing my brow ala Arnold  of Different Strokes fame (whatchu talkin’ bout, Willis?) have left permanent indentations in my face. Little lines around my mouth… ugh. Without makeup, for some reason, they’re not as noticeable, but when I put on foundation, after 30 minutes or so I feel like it just sinks into every little crevice on my face and screams out ‘HEY I’M CLEARLY OVER 30!! YOU DON’T HAVE TO PROOF ME FOR LIQUOR!!” 
I’d go foundation free, but I also have a bit of redness and a mild case of rosacea. I am a mess! 
Now I  have spent the last 6+ years trying to find a foundation that I am happy with – to no avail. I repeat – every foundation that I have tried has failed me and I cannot find one that works with my skin! Please help! Cream, Powder, Liquid – I’ve tried them all. 
My personal skin issues are probably the same as many of your issues:
1) the beginning of fine lines around my eyes and frown lines
2) slight redness, especially in my nose area
3) brow furrows and lines on my forehead
4) I look a little tired UNDER my eyes, even after 8 hours of sleep
5) My skin is oily but also tends to dry out around my nose and between my brows.
I found and fell in love with a liquid foundation from Clinique – Superfit Makeup. It went on smooth. It didn’t settle into my little lines. I was in love.
And then, they discontinued it. 

 A rep from Clinique told me that they were replacing my beloved Superfit with the foundation below – Even Better Foundation. Despite its name, it was NOT better. It was heavy. It flaked. It settled right into the ridges between my brows and above my lips. It was returned, and I was sad.

As I have sensitive skin, I thought I’d make the foray into the mineral makeup scene. I tried Bare Minerals powder foundation. Although it looked great when I put it on, after about 2 hours it was just GONE. Its like my skin couldn’t hold onto it – and I don’t even have oily skin! By lunchtime it didn’t even look as if I had put on any makeup at all the morning…
Lets move onto my current foundation – its the one that I’ve settled on that is just “ok.” Its actually the third “type” in a line of ever evolving Clinque powder foundation products. I think its called Perfectly Real Compact makeup. The coverage is good, but like the Bare Minerals, it doesn’t last all day. Usually around 3pm it starts to fade. It also sometimes makes my nose look a little peely. I’m underwhelmed, but haven’t tried anything better yet.

I also tried mineral makeup from Physicians Formula. I found this to look a bit too “powdery” on my face – it was as if you could see a white coating of powder, especially on my nose.

I tried this CoverGirl Simply Ageless cream foundation, as it promised me that it would not sink into my lines, but, alas, it lied.

I actually just picked up this BB cream foundation from Physicians Formula the other day, and I am wearing it today. I’m undecided. I like the amount of coverage – its not too heavy, but it does mask my redness. And I don’t have the powdery-peely look that some of the powder foundations seem to give me… but its a little wet? greasy? something. It will probably be great in the cooler weather, but its making me feel a little slimy today.

I bought this CC powder foundation from Physicians Formula and returned it today. It made me look like a ghost.

I also picked up this liquid foundation – can you tell I’m on a Physicians Formula kick? I haven’t tried it yet, though.

Suggestions are welcome!! Please help take me from this:

 Back to this: