People Say the Darndest things…

…to a pregnant woman. Its almost as if they see that burgeoning belly and they think that its open season to unleash some of the most insulting, rude, insensitive, insert-any-negative-adjective-here comments upon the mother-to-be.

Well, friends, I’m nearly seven months pregnant. I’m puffy. I’m tired. I’m winded. I have what feels like a baby dolphin swimming around violently inside me at all times. Don’t even get me started on how “well” I’ve been sleeping. Suffice to say that I’m on the precipice of UFC-punching the next person to throw a backhanded statement my way.

But I’m not a violent person. And, its Lent. I feel like violence and Lent don’t really mix.

So, reader, I’m going to share some of the real doozies that I’ve heard throughout the past half-year. It will be cathartic for me, and, I hope, amusing for you. Some of them still make me chuckle a bit when I think of how incredibly socially inept the speaker of said comment must be.

Before I begin, in case you’ve never dealt with a pregnant woman before, I’m going to share some of the acceptable phrases/comments that you may say if you encounter one. It doesn’t matter if you really feel this way about a person. Say these things anyway. None of the following should earn you a backhand to the cheek:

Wow, you’re seven months pregnant? I can’t even tell!
You’re glowing!
You’re all belly – you don’t even look like you gained weight anywhere else!
I didn’t even realize you were pregnant until you turned around!
Want this free brownie sundae?
You don’t look pregnant from the front/back!
…and you can’t go wrong with, “you look great/beautiful/lovely/stunning/model-esque.”

And now I’m going to share with you some of the 100% actual real life really really super I’m not lying to you things that people have said to me. NONE of it has been exaggerated. NONE of it has been embellished. People actually said these things to me.

Now, I’m a nice Catholic girl, so I took all of this in stride. Plus I have some coworkers to whom I often vent about this very topic, and they always reassure me with one of the comments that I’ve outlined above. And although I may have been smiling on the outside… well, you can imagine what I might have preferred to have responded with… I’ll include that as well. A little glimpse into my inner-monologue. Don’t judge me. No one has yet given me that free brownie sundae that I mentioned above and I’m irritable.

“I bet you’re going to get huge!” I was told this before I had even gained an ounce. Why would you say this to someone? Do you WANT me to get huge? Will you, if I’m huge, look smaller if you stand next to me? You know what I want? I want to throw a brick at your head.

“Was the baby planned or was he an accident?” AN ACCIDENT? Can you imagine asking someone this? A woman who I did not even KNOW came up to me at church and asked me this. Perhaps, from a friend, I could understand asking if we had planned it or if it was a “surprise”… but an accident? I hope you get in an accident with an oil tanker later today.

“So, how much weight have you gained?” How much weight have I gained? Go F#*K yourself. That’s how much weight I’ve gained.

“You’re pregnant? I thought maybe you were just getting fat.” Um, a priest said that to me, so I’m going to withhold the snide inner-commentary on that one.

“Oh, you’re X months along? I had a miscarriage when I was X months.” Shame on you for even bringing up the “M” word to an expectant mother.

“Are you upset that you’re not having a girl?” What kind of question is this to ask someone? Am I disappointed? Nope, because obviously my plan is to still pretend he’s a girl, stick him in a pink Easter dress and force him to play with my old Barbies. Idiot.

“You should breastfeed.” Yeah. You know what? Your life choices are your life choices, and my life choices are my life choices. Want to breastfeed? Great! Want to formula feed? Great! Want to buy your own dairy cow and let your infant suck directly from the bovine teat? Hey, its not my business… So, please mind YOUR business when it comes to MY child. Thanks.

…there have been others, but there is one final comment that I’d like to share with you that truly left me speechless. I’m rarely dumfounded and I’m pretty quick on my feet, but I could not believe that someone actually said the following to me. Someone with whom I had NEVER, to that point, even had a single conversation:

“Its selfish of you and your husband to only have one child because someday you’ll both be dead and your child will be all alone in the world.” Yup. Someone SAID that to me. Verbatim. I was four months pregnant at the time and someone informed me that, indeed, someday I would be DEAD, my husband would be DEAD and my unborn child would be a lonely depressed mess all because we only wanted one child. Wow.

And there are so many others that I’m sure you’ve all gotten. A close friend of mine took some very beautiful maternity photos and was asked “how many babies do you have in there?” Can you believe that? And 99% of these comments come from other women. I just hope that we’re all teaching our children – male or female, planned or ACCIDENTAL – the old adage, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything all” because it seems as if many of us sure as hell aren’t abiding by it.

Here I am, all huge and fat and crying about my accidental baby boy:

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Uh oh! Its Friday and I’m On My Soapbox!!

Well, this was a doozy of a week and I, for one, am glad that it is coming to a close. I fully plan on spending my Saturday laying in my pool and taking a ride to target to see if they have any good clearance maxi skirts. I suggest you do the same. FYI – Mossimo maxi skirts = the best. Buy yourself a few: Maxi Skirt

Anyhow, a few thoughts to wrap up the week and keep my writer’s mind active. I don’t usually touch on anything remotely political (I just HATE arguing with people, especially my friends) but I’m going to touch on two issues in this post a little bit! Sorry in advance. Turn away if you’re looking for a fight 🙂

Ugh, this lion poacher. Rarely do stories about ANYTHING bother me as much as this one has. Its outrageous and disgusting, and I really and truly think that this black hole of a dentist should be extradited to Africa and used a lion food. And while getting angry is a natural reaction, why not use this tragedy to do some good?

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Have you heard of the BLT – the bear, lion and tiger trio that were rescued as cubs? They were kept in a cage and mistreated by a drug dealer, until this sensational Animal Sanctuary saved them. Even though they should NOT get along, they’re inseparable. They currently live at Noah’s Ark Animal Sanctuary in Georgia. This is a fantastic place where animals – often ones who are ill, disabled, mistreated, former circus animals, etc – are cared for and are able to live out the rest of their lives without fear. It is a sensational cause, and I urge you to channel your anger at this Lion poacher SOB and send a donation to this great cause (or another great animal sanctuary of your choice! This is just my favorite!)

All animals need our love! Here I am with a random cow in my backyard:

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Lets talk about the elephant in the room (I’m going to stick w/the animal imagery, as you can see) – my guess is that a great number of people who have voiced outrage at the lion killer (and rightly so!) are avid leather lovers! Don’t worry, I’m not going to get preachy on you about the value of all life (but seriously, cows and pigs are adorable! How can you wear them?! I want one as a pet) BUT I am here to tell you this:

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Yes! Ethical doesn’t have to be hippie crunchy granola AND it doesn’t have to be super obvious fake ugly leather. Don’t believe me? Then please visit Matt & Nat – they have so many beautiful bags and accessories. Vegan, cruelty free, and guess what… they still LOOK nice. Check out my new Mini tote coming with me for a ride:

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How about shoes? Need non-leather nice shoes? No problem! I happen to love the Steve Madden spinoff brand “Madden Girl” – all manmade materials and they 1) look good 2) last a long time 3) are cheap. I have a pair of knee-high boots that will see their 3rd winter this year. Check these out, from 6pm.com – they might be in my shopping cart in both brown and black. Friends – they’re like $35. Why aren’t you buying these??

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I’ve said my piece about animals and leather, and now I’m going to talk about the F word.

That’s right. Feminism. Just for a second. Because, you know, I could go on for about an hour. But I wont. Today.

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I don’t understand why this has become such a dirty word, and I have to assume its just because society has bastardized what REAL feminism stands for. So here it is, friends:

Women and men. Equal in the eyes of the law, in every way. That’s it. Plain and simple.

No, we don’t think we’re better than men. No, we don’t think we’re smarter. No, we don’t think we’re superior. Just the same. That’s it in a nutshell. My mind is blown that anyone could possibly disagree with this.  I’ll expound a bit. Maybe some feminists disagree with me on some of these little points, but I’m going to get my thoughts out there because, well, I just want to.

I will fully admit to you that I, myself, have never felt gender bias. I grew up with parents who really instilled in me that if I wanted to do something, I could. As a result it has never occurred to me that I might not be able to do something. Paint my whole house? Sure. Assemble furniture? Get a post graduate degree? Make a cheesecake? I’m lucky to have the sense of self so that if I feel like if I wanted to do something, I could. Except ballet. God, I was so awful at that.

But you see my point. I have never been turned down for a job because I was female; my job at SCCC hires people at the same contracted rate regardless of gender, race, etc. But I’m a middle class gal from New York, and I fully recognize that not every woman out there has these advantages. And, while “equal pay for equal work” laws may seem to some New Yorkers as unnecessary, I presume that elsewhere in the country, like the deep south and mid-west, gender bias is still alive and well. So, while my hope is that in the future we won’t need laws to assure that women and men start at equal pay, we do still need them now. Hopefully these laws will be redundant in the near future. Side note – if Joe Smith and I are hired at the same job for the same pay, but I’m a slacker and he busts his ass, he 100% should get raises and promotions that I don’t get. But I digress.

Another point. I hate hate hate hate HATE that on certain physical tests women have a different set of rules. Equal I say. I do NOT for a second think that women applying for FDNY or something similar should have to perform a lesser test physically. If I’m caught in a burning building, I want a hulking 6’2″ person to show up and carry me out. I don’t care if that person is a giant man or a giant woman, but I can sure as hell tell you that I don’t want 5’4″ me showing up to drag my unconscious body out of a house. I know some feminists differ on this point, but I say, equal across the board.

It kills me when I see pictures of young women holding up little paragraphs written on oaktag telling the world why they don’t need feminism. Maybe you don’t feel you need feminism in your daily life today, but you can’t discard it like an old shoe! I think of it like this. Your parents birth you, raise you, and love you. They try their best to make you into the best person that you can be. At age 18, despite what they’ve done for you in the past, do you runaway and forget them forever? Do you say, hey I’m an adult now, so what do I need parents for? Do you erase all or your memories and turn your back on the values that they’ve instilled in you? Of course not, because you love them and they’re a part of you forever you never know when you might need their support again.

And so it is with feminism – its made the modern woman into who she is today, but we never know what tomorrow might bring.

Stitch Fix Greatest Hits!!

It seems hard to believe but I have had a hot and heavy relationship going with Stitch Fix since August 2013.  So, our two-year anniversary is coming up next month!

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT STITCH FIX IS?? OH MY GOD WHO ARE YOU?  Ok, I’ll tell you.

Here is what you do. First you follow my referral link, because you love me and I’ll get $25 credit for every person who signs up via my link, here:

GO HERE!!!! STITCH FIX SUPER AWESOME CLOTHES LINK YAY KITTENS AND UNICORNS

You pay $20. You fill out a massive style profile. Your likes. Your dislikes. Your measurements. How you like your clothing to fit. You look at pictures. You do an ink blot test. You include all kinds of links, like to your Pinterest pages, or your blog (like me!) choose once a month delivery (or more or less often, if you choose) And then you get assigned a personal stylist. This person picks out 5 items that they think you’ll like based on what you’ve written. Free shipping/Free returns. You try the items on, if you like, you buy. If not, you send them all back without penalty. If you do buy an item, the $20 that you spend for the service is deducted from the cost. Oh, and there’s only sales tax if you live in California where the business is based. Awesome!!

HOW FUN.

You pick your style. Your price range. Maybe you only want tops. Or dresses. Or earrings. They’ll accommodate.

I’ve been doing it, as I mentioned for quite a while now, so I fancy  myself an expert. About a year and a half ago they sponsored a contest on Pinterest called “My Day in Stitch Fix” and I actually won the contest – $250 credit! So, I was able to shop off of that for quite awhile. But, once that ran out and I was using my own money, I got a little more serious about my likes, dislikes, feedback, and my stylist. In the past, I felt like I was being shuffled from stylist to stylist, and I wasn’t quite sure that they were taking my likes, dislikes, and requests into consideration. So, you know what I did? I wrote them a long letter and detailed my concerns. They were great. Their customer service really listened to my needs, and for the last eight months or so I’ve had the same stylist – Julia.

This is her:

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Ok, its not. I have no idea what she looks like, but this is how I like to imagine her, and she is fantastic. She really listens to my notes and tries to fulfill my needs to the fullest capacity. She’s awesome. So, once you find a stylist with whom you click, make sure you let them know that you want to stay with this person! Its paramount. PARAMOUNT I TELL YOU.

I haven’t blogged about Stitch Fix in awhile, so I took some time this weekend to have my poor husband take photos of me in some of my most favorite SF items of all time. Some of my favorite shirts are ones that I have received from Stitch Fix; in fact, I recently had a friend tell me, while I was wearing one of said shirts, that I had “the best shirts ever.” I really enjoy that the items from SF aren’t ones that EVERYONE else has, and now that I’ve drastically cut back my shopping, I’m relying on my monthly delivery from Julia to fill any holes that I find in my current wardrobe. Last month I asked for a pair of black skinny jeans with ankle zippers and she delivered; next box I’m asking for some dresses for an upcoming wedding that I’ll be attending in October. I’m excited to see what she sends!

PS – I keep a board on Pinterest that contains some of items that I receive – both good and bad – so please follow!

I received the Lindi Crochet Panel Woven Blouse in Cobalt blue top last June and I wear it often. It came with a cami to wear beneath. My only complaint is that it pulls very easily, and that makes me sad.

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Maxi Skirt – Stitch Fix – Renee C – $58 (Top & Flip flops are from LOFT)

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I cannot recall the name of this top, that I also received in June of 2014. But it sure is pretty. Look at the detail of the top! I’m wearing this with shorts from Loft and some awesome vegan sandals from Mia that I got at Marshalls for $24.99.imageimage

I was very confused when my stylist sent me this arrow detail necklace way back when. There was nothing in my profile that indicated I’d like it. I’m not into archery. I’ve never even seen Robin Hood from start to finish. But, I kept it because I didn’t like anything else in that particular fix and I didn’t want to lose my $20. Let me tell you. I wear this necklace at LEAST 5 times a week. It is my favorite. Who knew?

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I recently have made the switch to leather-free products, so I asked Julia to please send me a neutral vegan tote. She sent me this purse, from Street Level. It is reversible brown/black. I’ve only worn it on the brown side, but its nice to have the option. It was $48.

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Oh these pants!! I just love these pants. Just Black Dean Ankle Zip Skinny jean. $78. More than I’d ever spend on jeans, but oh my goodness. They make me feel 10 pounds thinner when I put them on. For some of my super enlightening thoughts on skinny jeans, go here: (Why I Wear Skinnies…) Here they are with my super favorite Safari Photographer Vest from Max Jeans (Marshalls $34.99)

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So, there you have it. Some (but not all of!) my favorite items that I’ve received. Stay tuned to see what I get in my August 24th fix when I’ve asked for dresses and some neutral colored basics!

So You Want to Be a Yogi?

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I’m kinda sorta obsessed with yoga. Its true. As a person who lacks any and all athletic ability and one who absolutely HATES exercise of any kind, it seemed as if I’d never find a workout that I could stick to and – gasp – look forward to doing. But, yoga. It’s the bees knees, my friends. And my mission in life is to convert you. Journey with me, young yogi.

Let me start by telling you that I am terrible at yoga. Horrible, fall down, fall on my face, terrible. But I love it. Don’t be discouraged by the photos you see on Pinterest of tiny ladies balanced upside down with only one pinky holding them up. You don’t have to be this person; I know for damn sure I’ll never be. I almost can’t stand straight up when I’m doing Tree pose.

About a year ago I bought a groupon for yoga classes at a local place. My friend Katie and I went to two or three classes, and then it sort of petered out for us. I just could NOT get into it at the studio. The studio was packed with people who knew what they were doing while I, clearly, did not. It was hot in the room. I felt like we were on top of each other. I felt stupid and silly and self-conscious at the same time. The guy next to me repeatedly tried to get himself into a handstand and every time he was unsuccessful (about 998 times) his feet would thud to the ground, thereby scaring the crap out of me. It was NOT zen. It was NOT how I wanted yoga to be. The only good part was the Savasana and I’m not sure if it was because it was relaxing or because I knew the class was almost over. Yoga isn’t supposed to be this way! You should always be focused inwardly, but I just couldn’t detach myself from the chaos of my surroundings.

Sidenote: this is one of my new favorite yoga tops… $12 on Etsy.

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And I gave up on yoga. For 3 months.

But I really WANTED to love yoga. I wanted to be that long, lean, mentally well-adjusted, calm, super zen contemplative hippie person. I wanted my workout to simultaneously make me healthy AND less likely to assault other drivers on the road when they changed lanes without using a signal.

So, I gave it another go. AT HOME. Alone. In my house. Just me and my cats and Denise Austin.

Yup, some of you probably hate her. She is a little perky, but something about her just seems so down to earth to me. She makes mistakes, she flubs her words. She just seems NICE. I took a $5.92 chance on eBay and ordered a DVD.

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Yoga Body Burn. I wanted a yoga body. I wanted to burn something or another. Perfect. And if it wasn’t, well, it was a less-than-six-dollar mistake. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I’m sure if you’re a hardcore yogi you think that this video is sub-par or “not real yoga” in some way, but I think its sensational. Its broken up into 4 segments – you can do them all together, or mix and match. I usually do the yoga body burn (20 min) plus the relaxation (10 min.)

Many people don’t think of yoga as a real “workout” – but I can tell you that if you’re doing some quickly paced vinyasa, you’ll sweat and you’ll burn. You’ll burn calories AND you’ll tone up your muscles. The best part is, you won’t even really realize you’re doing it. You’ll sort of just feel renewed. I lost 4 pounds the first week I started this video. I gained it back the next day after a large meal, but still.

While on vacation a few weeks ago I ventured back into the studio for an advanced 90 minute vinyasa class. I was pretty nervous – after all, I hadn’t yet mastered the basics without holding onto my countertop for support – how would I complete this class? But, I busted my ass and I did it. The teacher made me fold my body into positions that a Romanian gymnast would have been proud of. She even spotted me for an against-the-wall handstand. I was hurting, but I felt better after this yoga class than any 30 min jaunt on the elliptical machine. I was tired, but also energized. The weird yoga paradox.

You should give it a go, friends. Try out the video I mentioned – or scour Youtube or netflix for some free videos. There are tons of them out there. I think you’ll be impressed with what your body can handle, and you’ll just feel more balanced in the process.

Also you’ll get to buy some cool yoga stuff, like the cat yoga pants you see above and my most favorite yoga tank, below, and my awesome panther mat:

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Namaste, friends!

Closet Purging and the Elusive (i.e Impossible) Capsule Wardrobe

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Well, hello there. Its been about 17 years since I posted last, but seeing as how I just paid $18 to renew my domain name for another two years I figured I should make good use of this site! I apologize in advance – this isn’t a pretty picture fashion bloggy post. This is mostly just myself babbling a bit. But maybe some of you feel this way, too.

If you know me at all, and my guess is that anyone reading this probably does, two of my biggest obsessions are 1) shopping (for clothes)  2) getting rid of stuff (mostly clothes)

It is the weird paradox that is Heather. I am concurrently obsessed with obtaining more stuff while at the same time purging the items that I do have. So, I’ve sort of fallen into this notion of the much talked about and always feared “capsule” wardrobe.

Sidenote – are you as intrigued by the Tiny House movement as I am? I’m just fascinated by the idea of living more simply. I’ve always been weirdly interested by the the notion of “purging” stuff and living with only with the most basic necessities. I’ll get back to how this sidenote about Tiny Houses fits in with my quest for the capsule wardrobe.

I’m going to tell you a story despite the fact that I know that you’ll think I’m a lunatic afterwards. When I was little, I had two equally weird role playing games that I’d play in my own disturbed little head. Sometimes I would pretend that I had to give away ALL of my toys; for some reason, I’d pretend that I was forced to choose ONE toy, and with this one toy I would have to be happy forever. Just one. I think I usually settled on a Pound Puppy or a My Little Pony (Probably Applejacks or Moondancer. I loved those two) Weird, I know. But the next little mental game I played as a child makes this seem normal. I’d also pretend that I had to choose one ROOM in the house in which I could live, and it would be the only room I’d be allowed in. Ever. Like a prison cell deal. I’d always choose the bathroom, b/c to me the tub seemed like a good bed substitute and I’d have unlimited access to water. I always had a bit of a penchant for bathrooms.

So, there is some background info on me. Clearly, psychologically I’ve always wanted to unload the extraneous and live with the most basic items possible. I’ve never ACTUALLY done this, and if you’ve seen my underwear drawer or my jewelry box you know this to be true. But I’m trying. And now back to Tiny Houses.

Let me say that I would never actually have the guts, balls, gumption, or whatever it takes to downsize into 250 sq feet, but wow, the idea seems so freeing. Less stuff. Less space. Less space to store the aforementioned stuff. It just makes sense to me. I am a person who believes in making use of every single square inch of my living space – I’ve never quite understood why some people (and if this is you, I don’t mean to offend) require a 4 bedroom house for, say, 3 people. Or, 3.5 bathrooms. Is there really a need for all of these bedrooms? Are there ever 4 people in your home who must piss at the exact same moment? Maybe you wholly disagree with me. Maybe you NEED a workout room, an office and a guest room in your house. To each, his own. For me, I favor a small, cozy, well organized space that contains only items that I love (or need) and makes smart use of every possible nook and cranny.

I took a glance at Marie Kondo’s Super magical tidying up book. It seems to have almost a cult following and it appeared that it might be right up my alley. Alas, it was damn kooky. While I can kinda sorta understand where she is coming from – “only keep items which bring you joy” – I have to ask myself, does my can opener really bring me joy? And how about my bathroom scale? And dental floss? Nope, but I still need them. Also, the weird part about storing socks flat b/c they’ve “worked hard on your feet and need a rest” – yeah. Crazy. But, again – whatever floats your boat, friends. If it gets you purging, then who am I to judge?

What is my very long winded point, here, you ask? How does a real life real shopper real person declutter and purge ones closet? I think I have the answer. I’ve been poring over blogs and articles on this very subject and, friends, I have the REAL answer here. I’ve already started this process, and hope to be finished up by the end of the summer. THREE STEPS FRIENDS. None of that “turn your hangers around” or “put it in a bag in another closet for three months” crap. THREE steps for you to do today. Or, you know, sometime soon.

1) Having a true capsule wardrobe is UNREALISTIC. Stop forcing it on yourself. The idea of discarding all of your pants and keeping three pairs is silly. Likewise, the notion that you’d love to fit all of your clothing into one suitcase is also silly. Don’t compare yourself to these internet people who claim to have tossed out 80% of their clothes. I think many of them are fakey fakers. Cut yourself some slack. This is trial and error.

2) The most important step – STOP THE BLEEDING. Yup. You must stop (or at least DRASTICALLY cut back on) your shopping. Why get rid of stuff if you’re just replacing it with new stuff the next day? Admittedly this is the hardest part for me. I mean, the fitting room lady at Marshalls knows me. I challenged myself last month to quit shopping cold turkey. Yes, I failed, but not miserably. I purchased 2 pairs of vegan sandals (so hard to find cute vegan shoes!) a classic denim jacket, a basic striped tee, and a pair of black skinnies. I considered these all to be classic pieces and replacements for items that I was planning on getting rid of – leather shoes, my old denim jacket, which is out of style and will graduate to our upstate house as a layer to wear by the fire, and my old black skinnies which were too big from the day I purchased them. Give yourself a little bit of leeway. I know myself, and I know that I won’t quit shopping in one fell swoop, but I can certainly limit myself to no more than 3 new items per month with the stipulation that if I bring in new items, I have to purge the same amount of old items. EVERY addition should be justified.

3) I know this is cliché – and I’m pretty sure I’ve had SOME people mock me for this phrase before – but you should only keep/buy things that make you feel like a 10. Five year old jeans that are out of style now a little bit? Purge. A sweater that you like, but the fabric is itchy? Purge. Shirt that you never wear because it emphasizes your bra fat? Purge. Aside from pj’s and workout/lounge clothes, you should love (or at least feel good in) everything you own. Life is too short to worry about muffin top and panty lines. Get rid. Sell. Donate. Toss if stained/ripped. For God’s sake, use eBay. I started selling my stuff on eBay about 3 1/2 years ago and to date I’ve made $31,426. Yes, you read that correctly. This might mean that you have to replace some items – but you’ll be replacing them with items that fit well, work with your age/lifestyle, and make you feel good when you put them on. That’s got to be worth more than a drawer full of jeans that fit you a few years ago but now they just stare at you, mocking you, saying, “hey Heather remember when you were a size 4 for about 10 minutes at age 26? Well, nanapoopoo we don’t fit you anymore!” Get rid of those bastards. They’re just not good for your Zen, friends.

I used to think that the notion of having a massive, well stocked, walk in closet with 50 pairs of shoes would be the ultimate cats meow. Maybe its my old age 🙂 but nowadays I just want a (large) handful of well fitting pieces that I love. Baby steps, friends. I’m no expert. I still have a size 4 dress in there that I look at, wistfully, and remember the days when my belly wasn’t jelly, but I’m getting there.

And in unrelated news, here’s my cat:

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Friday Five – The Heather Report

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Yes, its Friday again. Thank GOD. Long ass week. And, again, I have had NO time to think about writing a real post, but I’m going to attempt to keep up my commitment to this Friday thing. So, without further ado, here are some things that either happened to me this week or are swimming through my warped little brain at the moment.

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1) My obsession with Trailer Park Boys continues, and I don’t know if this is something to share with people, but wow, it has made me miss drinking liquor! I don’t care what you say, drinking liquor is excellent fun. I hearken back to ye days of my 20’s when my drink of choice was Captain & diet. Although I don’t drink nearly as much as my good friends at the Sunnyvale Trailer park (because, you know, I have a job and all) I will certainly be working the captain back into the rotation. I’ve been a wine girl for awhile, because that’s what you’re supposed to drink in your 30’s, but nothing beats a good mixed drink.
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2) I’ve been working on the idea of creating a capsule wardrobe. This involves paring your clothing down to classics, items that flatter, and items that you love. If you’re anything like me, you have about 5000 items that you never look twice at (and you keep purchasing for some unknown reason) and you always seem to reach for the same few pieces. I’m going to be doing some hardcore down and dirty closet purging this weekend, along with some eBay listing. When I’m done, I’ll assess what classic items I’ll need to add to my collection, etc. I’m sure I’ll do a full blog post on this in the near future.

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3) THE WALKING DEAD IS COMING BACK THIS WEEKEND PEOPLE!!! Tom and I prepared for this by re-watching the entire series over the summer. How would I face off with those cannibal Terminus bastards? Well, I’d wear these black skinny jeans from Loft and carry around my trusty fireplace poker. I’ve often thought about what I would wear AND what I would wield if I were thrust into the Zombie Apocalypse. Here is my decision. Stretchy skinnies, good boots, a fire place poker and a pistol with a high cap mag. Here is would I would not want any part of during the apocalypse: thongs, bras, daggers, baseball bats and revolvers. HOW does Rick still use a revolver? It blows my mind. PS – here’s hoping Beth and Carl are eaten in episode 1.

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4) Stitch Fix. Well, I received my fourteenth Stitch Fix yesterday. I wrote them a massive complaint letter last month because the whole purpose of this service is that it’s supposed to be a “personal stylist” and I just think they’re getting way too big for their britches. I no longer think they spend much time looking at what a person really wants, and I don’t even think they glance at a Pinterest board anymore. But, they refunded me my styling fee and credited me an add’l $20 styling fee for another fix, so it was no harm no foul to try it one more time. Pretty disappointing. I specifically told them that I basically only wear SLEEVELESS tops, because I’m always hot, but they ignored this; they also ignored my request for “cardigans with buttons only” and sent this drapey item. Its ok, but not SIXTY EIGHT DOLLARS OK!!! Ugh. The black jeans are nice – they make my bubble butt look especially bubbly, but I’m yet to decide if they’re keepers. Regardless, I’m taking a long break from Stitch Fix. Possibly forever. IF you want to see what I received this time, and some other items I’ve gotten from Stitch Fix over the last year or so, check out my Pinterest board dedicated to SF items:

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5) This coming Saturday, October 11th, Tom and I will be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary! We’re simple folken, and I’m sure we’ll be celebrating by eating, drinking, and, you guessed it, watching Trailer Park Boys. Here’s to 50 more years, Poosker!

Have a good weekend…

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Friday Five

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I am finding it wildly difficult to conjure up witty and interesting blog posts AND work AND teach AND do other stuff in my life. I do want to keep the blog alive and afloat, so I’ve decided that at the very least I can copycat the “Five on Friday” weekly recap that I’ve seen other bloggers partake in.

To be honest, I’m not sure what one does in a Five on Friday post. What I am going to do, henceforth, is recap five things, events, items, bagels, whatever, that were important or momentous to me during the last week. Trust me, they will, in general, be trivial and stupid. You know how I do.

1) Well, first up, I gave up shopping for a month. Its officially No Shopping October. Its day three, and I’m already pretty sad, but I’m confident that I will pass this test. I read an article about a gal who gave up shopping for a year. I can’t really even wrap my head around this concept, but her end game was that she would not only save money, but actually enjoy and wear the clothes she already owned. Who among us doesn’t have a stockpile of items that we never really look at? So, I’ve decided to make the most of No-Shopping October and not duplicate an outfit for the whole month. I kicked it off with some mirror selfies on Monday. Love my Loft sweater, Mod Cloth Necklace, and vegan boots from Marshalls. FullSizeRender IMG_3310

 

2) In light of my boots, above, I’ve decided to eschew all leather products from now on. I drive past a pasture raised meat farm whenever I go to the IGA upstate, and I always look at the cows and feel sad. Now, while I haven’t eaten a cow in 24 years (gave it up when I was in 5th grade!) I decided it was pretty hypocritical to wear them. So, I’ve sold my 4-year-old Uggs and I’ve donated (half of) the proceeds to Blind Cat Sanctuary. Here’s a sensational pair of vegan boots that I purchased (not this month!) to kick off my leather-free existence.

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3) I’m now a month or so into the Fall semester, and I’m stupidly excited about how (most of) my students are enjoying The Gunslinger, which in case you’re not aware, is book 1 of the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I’ve even had more than five of my students ask me the name of the next book in the series. I promise you that there are no words that an English professor loves to hear more than, “I’m actually enjoying this book!” You should all read it, too.

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4) Call me jaded or call me a cynic, but there is a shortage of funny stuff on regular TV nowadays. I can’t stomach most of the mainstream shows that we’re “supposed” to laugh at. So, imagine my delight when Tom and I stumbled upon (via Sonny via Mike) what might be, in my opinion, the funniest show since Seinfeld. Oh my God. Tom and I have binge watched this on Netflix all week, and we’re already up to season five. You MUST MUST MUST check out Trailer Park Boys. Who knew Canadians could be funny?

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5) Last but not least, Tom and I are headed upstate tonight. I’ve been pretty hardcore on the weight watchers all week, so I shall be treating myself to some wine by the fire pit tonight. Cheap as it may be, sorry friends, but nothing beats a bottle of Barefoot Pinot OR Sav. Blanc. You can keep your Santa Margarita (well, no, give me that too, please) – because I can buy THREE bottles of Barefoot for the price of one SM! Please stay tuned for some misspelled and unintelligible Facebook status messages.

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Have a great weekend!

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