Shall Kitty Compare Thee To A Summer’s Day?

Summer will soon be upon us. Yes, those days of sitting in an air conditioned office while scrolling through innumerable photos on your feed of various friends’ dashboard thermometers.
Its true. As adults maybe we don’t exhibit that “OH MY GOD ITS SUMMER YAY YAY I WANT TO GO IN A POOL” feeling that we had come June circa age 12, but I submit – its in there. Its deep inside of each of us. Yes, I know. A sunny day seems all but wasted when you are sitting in a windowless office five days a week for eight hours per day. Well, hey glass empty person – this just means that we should – we must – relish every minute of the free time we do have this summer. Teacher friends, let me take a moment here to silently give you the finger on behalf of the rest of us who may not see the sun at 2pm for the entire length of the summer. Ok, I’m done. Now lets move on.
How should we, as adults, seek to revive the inner child in us – the child who couldn’t wait to run around the yard in the sprinkler, sans-sunscreen?
Alcohol, my friends. Alcohol.
On Long Island we’re fortunate to have access to some of the greatest drinking opportunities around: Wineries & Fire Island. I look back fondly on my days in my 20’s when I used to vomit in the garbage can on the ferry en route home from Ocean Beach after enjoying some 1am pizza. Oh, those were the days. Sort of. The were, at the very least, great photo ops. I’ve also learned that a trip out east to the wineries is pretty damn fun. Just make sure you have someone driving you around – I’ve been so tipsy after visiting 3 or 4 wineries in a row that if I were driving I’d likely hit a tree.
I know, I know – your question for me is as follows: Heather, what does one wear when preparing for a day trip that involves lots of public intoxication? Well, I’ve solved this problem for you. Read on, friends. 
This is an adorable romper, from Anthropologie. I wish I could wear rompers, but when I put one on all you can see are my thunder thighs. I love this look for a day trip out east, especially because of the hat. 

I’m on the fence about this dress. I enjoy a maxi dress, but this one, from Dress Barn… I don’t know. I can’t decide if I think its subtly Americana, or if its as annoying as those American Flag tee shirts that Old Navy puts out every year (I HATE those. HATE!)

I imagine that if I go wine tasting this year, I’ll need a bag like this. The neon greenish yellow color says, “I’m a super fun gal who is known to drink a bottle of two of wine on occasion” but the perforated leather, and the Kate Spade label say, “I make a fairly high hourly wage, and if you back into my Lexus, I’m probably going to sue you just to exert my financial authority upon you.”

This little striped tote, from LLBean Signature is ideal for wine tasting because you could fit at least 5 bottles into it easily.

I like this dress, from Loft, but the model looks like she has a pretty bad case of Hep C and could use a hamburger.

You need a pair of wide leg linen pants. This pair is from Santuary, but I got like 8 pairs at Marshalls yesterday for $4 each. You should go there.

This is a top that could take you from winery to an evening at Ocean beach. I’m not sure why you’d be doing both on the same day, because that’s a lot of drinking and a lot of distance between, but what the hell. You have nothing better to do on a Saturday. Drink up. From Pima and Larkin (via Piperlime)

My feet hurt just looking at these shoes and, yet, I am compelled to own them. From Schutz. When I dress up like a character from a Midsummer Night’s Dream I feel like these shoes will come in handy, and you know I do that pretty often.

I am recent convert to the “cross body” bag style. If you wear a bag like this out at night to Fire Island, you never have to worry about leaving your bag someplace – OR concern yourself with all of those Cherry Grove pick pockets.

I just want these. From Gorjana.

This necklace, from the limited just screams Summer. OR it looks like pile of gumballs. I may have to chew on it to find out what it’s really made of.

I’m not sure how many people can pull off a horizontal striped strapless jumper, but I aspire to be one of those people. I can absolutely see KK working this look on her summer overnight out east this year. With gladiators, of course.

I think that if I came of age in the 70’s I probably would have been ok with that. I may have become a huge drug addicted, who knows… but I really enjoy much of the Peace and Love Era fashion. This dress, from Madewell, reminds me of this era.

 This Love Bird tank from Old Navy reminds me of a really noisy Toucan that I met in St. Thomas. The toucan, truth be told, was a really loud annoying ass, but he was very attractive. I’d wear him as a shirt.

 I *will* purchase this hat, from Old Navy, before my cruise. I need this. It also comes in a color called “brown sugar” for those of you that support affirmative action.

 A yellow espadrille. For days when your feet are asking for a break but you still want to look down at them mid-day accidentally mistake them for a G-Type Main sequence star based on spectral class, which is informally designated as a yellow dwarf. Like our sun. Learn some science, people.

There you have it. If you buy these items (these EXACT items) you’ll have a great Long Island summer. If not, well, I don’t know what to tell you. You’re on your own.

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