It seems as if everyone I know is either expecting or toting around an infant. In light of this, I thought I’d do a mini-blog about summer maternity clothes.

I am not pregnant (praise Jesus, as I have no insurance, no money and no room for a child) but apparently all of you are, and the fact of the matter is, you need things to wear. If you’re going to be enormous in the summer months, you probably want to be as cool and comfortable as possible. You probably also don’t want to blow tons of cash on clothes that are only temporary members of your wardrobe.

No fear. Here are the top 13 (why do I always end up with 13 items??) that I would invest in if I had a baby on board (again, for all of you relatives that read this blog, I do NOT. Isn’t 4 cats enough for now? Jeez)

First and foremost, please don’t ever ever EVER (ever!) wear a shirt like this. Its not cute, its not ironic, its just white trash.

Now that we’ve gotten that over with, here are a few items that you should invest in, and that will take you through your pregnant summer, and afterwards when you have that empty baby belly pocket thingy.

A good stretchy wrap dress, like this one from Loft Maternity, will take you from 3 months in until 5 months after.

You’re probably going to be really fat and sweating a lot, so why not go sleeveless? I’d wear this one, and that’s just b/c I have a large belly regularly. Old Navy.

Stock up on some cute, but cheap, tops like this one, from Old Navy.

These pants, from Old Navy, look like jeans, but they’re actually a light chambray cotton.

These cropped dress pants, from Loft, come in tan and black. Buy both and they’ll get you through the whole summer at work.

I have to say, Old Navy has some very cute maternity things. This skirt would be great with a plain tank and flip flops, and it comes in multiple colors.

Think you have to give up your favorite denim pencil skirt for 9 months? Nope! Yay for Old Navy again.

I never let the world see me in a swimsuit regularly, but for those of you who do and are expecting, more power to you. This is a cute suit, from A Pea in a Pod.

You need a huge tote to carry around all sorts of baby paraphernalia, so why not at least carry around a stylish one like this Michael Kors straw tote? Its called the “Santorini” tote, so it will remind you of all the vacations you’ll never be able to take anymore b/c of your new addition.

These flat shoes, from Kenneth Cole, look wide and comfortable. They come in several other colors and look cute with pants and skirts.

I think that these sandals, from Steve Madden, are ideal for all y’all pregnant ladies. They’re flat, and they don’t hug the ankles, which I’ve heard are destined to swell, so you won’t feel pedi-claustrophobic.

Next problem that I’ll tackle: What to wear on your feet when its the summer AND its raining.